Deja Vu

My heart was beating as I stood next to the kitchen counter, listening to the silence of intrigue as my friends told their six word life stories one by one for the first time, and were met with cheers of affirmation. It was almost my turn to go.

We had thirty seconds to share our six word stories. And finally, it was my time to share.

I began by sharing how my journey through the 10,000 Father’s Worship School had gotten me to dig through the soil of my heart and story in ways I never had before. I shared how thankful I was for each of their team members pouring into me. And then, with about 12 seconds left, I shared my story.

“Loneliness. Fear. Struggle. Hope. Breakthrough. Grace.”

When I said, “Grace,” I glanced over at Dave, who was leading the session. He was still looking at his stop watch. I still had time left. So I said, “And that word grace encompasses what God was ultimately doing through each of the previous five words.” Time.

Since that time, I have had a lot of clarity about my life. As I share in the My Story page, the first 35 years of my life have had some pretty clear seasons that were dominated by each of those five words.

But something has been nagging me lately.

If my six word story were merely a chronological timeline, then that would mean that I have moved beyond loneliness, fear, and struggle. And that would mean that I’m currently somewhere between hope and breakthrough.

But as I examine my heart, I feel like I’ve been here before.

I still feel loneliness as a worship leader and business owner who does not have a full time vocational ministry place where I am planted. I still feel fear every time the bank account is low and checks are being delayed. I still struggle every week just to keep my head above water physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. I do have hope for the future. And I’m experiencing really exciting breakthroughs every day.

But that grace part.

When I shared my story that day, I said that “Grace” was the word that encompassed and defined the other seasons. But what I’m realizing today is that every one of those words were words that are part of the ongoing DNA of my story.

My story is a Deja Vu story. It isn’t linear. It moves in circles.

I will always struggle with loneliness and fear. Sometimes, those voices can still get rather loud. But my hope is that as grace becomes more encompassing and defining, the voices of loneliness and fear will fade. And that’s where breakthrough comes.

1 reply
  1. Bbillbill maxwell
    Bbillbill maxwell says:

    Rick. I appreciate your heart toward this subject. As someone who is also trying to navigate these issues, I generally feel inadequate and unskilled, even though I’ve pounded away at it for so many years. Your vision here seems clearly defined and the articles are inspiring and well-written. I’m looking forward to reading and listening to what else you have to say.


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